I'm a bonehead

As many of you know last week I had an MRI which revealed I had a tumor in my sinus cavity which is at the base of my skull. It is not in or on my brain, but it is right smack between my eyes. The doctor took the tumor out yesterday and he went through my right nostril. He took out 99% of the tumor and said it appeared to him to look like bone and bone marrow. I've always thought I was a bonehead but I guess it's official now. I was in the hospital about 5 hours and came out of surgery with minimal pain. I wanted to share a little of the joy I experienced after surgery. I couldn't believe how big my nostril was so I had Sarah take a picture of it so everyone could see. That is what it looked like before I cleaned it with a hot towel. It hurt too much to pick it with my finger because the blood was stuck to my nose hairs and they were coming out too. I normally tweeze my nose hairs but this hurt worse than tweezing. Enjoy the pic!

I want to say thank you to everyone who was praying for me and my family! I love you all dearly!

Fun with work

Update 12/28/06
I haven't been able to come up with any new or witty responses to the mundane questions I get every day from my customers, but I do have some funny/strange stories/respones I have received.
I delivered a check to a lady who lives off of South School. I have been to her house before and her packages always require a signature. I never looked at the package to see who they were from or tried to figure out why they would require a signature other than the sender paid for it.
So I drive down her steep driveway only to see an empty driveway. I was a little frustrated because I knew I would be coming back the next day to re-attempt her package. I start putting the not available scans on her on package and applying the proper stickers, etc...As I am doing this I hear/see a truck pull into the driveway. The truck parks on the other side of my work truck and I hear the door slam! The lady is jogging toward me yelling, "Don't leave! Don't leave! You have my check. Don't leave!" I guess she didn't see that I wasn't in my truck when she pulled down her driveway. She said, "I felt like I needed to leave. I just felt a sense saying, 'Go home. Go home.' " So I left and came home as I could. I'm glad I did because you are here with my check." The lady opens her check and starts screaming "Yes! Yes! Yes!" and then she blurts out "My $13,000.00 check is her. I can pay off my Harley. You are a God! I feel like kissing you. I would kiss but I don't think you would want me to." I agreed that I didn't want her to kiss me, congratulated her on the check and left.

I deliver lots of paychecks to people and this one girl who works off of Cato Springs always tells me that I am her favorite guy every other Thursday. I smile and say thanks or you should inform my wife of how wonderful I am. Another girl who works at Million Air (Drake Field) always gets excited when I deliver their checks every other Thursday as well. She normally offers me a fountain drink and says, "Thanks buddy! See ya soon."

I just noticed that I deliver paychecks mainly to women. Why is that?

I'm still not loving my job at FedEx but I try to have fun as much as I can. Frequently people will ask me, "What did you bring me?" Sometimes I'll say, "I don't know, I didn't order it or
I brought you that million dollars you ordered." Last week I had the best response to one of my comments. I was on South School delivering an envelope to some people. The lady asked who it was for and I stated the name. She said that's my son, I'll sign for it. What is it? I said, "It's his wildest dreams!" The lady smiled at me and said, "No honey! His wildest dreams couldn't fit in that envelope. Having two women at once is my son's wildest dream. He wouldn't be able to handle it, but at least he would die with a smile on his face!" I never dreamnt I would receive a response like that.

It's a Penis

Sunday morning we were eating breakfast as a family. Sarah put in some of the Sister Schubert's rolls with a sausage in them. As we were eating Max found the sausage in his roll. Upon finding the sausage he said, "Hey! This looks like a penis! Mom! Look! It's a penis!" Naturally we all smirked and tried not to laugh. I told Max he didn't need to say that because it's not appropriate at the dinner table. Once my other son "Repeat" heard Max say penis, he also began saying, "Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis." We also told him that was not appropriate talk at the table. After looking at the sausage I had to agree with Max. If you haven't taken the time to inspect your food latetly you don't know what you're missing out on.

Getting better and funnier.

Last week work was a lot better and easier since I started my current route. I haven't been working 11-12 hour days unless I want to and my route is finally stabilizing to the normal amount of stops.

A week or two ago I was driving to a county road called South Lake Wilson Road. The house is in West Fork, but a lot of times this area gets labeled as Fayetteville for some reason. That makes a difference to me as far as commitment times go in my job, but I'm not going to bore you all with that. You need a current 911 map to locate most of my stops in the afternoon. I have a 911 map but it is for 1998, which is a little out of date, but it does help. So I pull out my 911 map once I find the county road, which is called South Lake Wilson Road, to locate house. Shocker, it's not in there. So I look both ways and see a mailbox to my right, so I check it out and decide to go that way. After driving about a mile I notice a mailbox without a name or numbers on it and a long driveway. I decide to take it since I have driven so far and I have never been to this area before. The drive is approximately 3/4-1 mile long and uphill. I finally reach the house and I am backing my truck like I'm supposed to. I grab the box out of my truck and I am doing my thing when I hear a lady yell, "Hello? Hello? Is anyone there?" Of course someone is there, do you think the FedEx fairy drove the truck? So I yell to her and state that I am on way. I ask the lady, are you four thousand four hundred and sixty-one S. Lake Wilson Road? She looks at me bewildered and a little dumbfounded. She replies, "No, I am forty-four, sixty-one." I look at her dumbfounded and then I smile at her. I smile for two reasons, I found the correct house and the lady didn't know the long version of her house number. I don't normally say the long version of house numbers but I do when I am going to West Fork/Winslow area because I am mainly driving on county roads which are 3-4 digits long. This helps me keep from confusing the county road and house number.

It also amazes me how many people don't know their house number. I'll pull up and say, "Are you 3263?" The recipient will say, "I don't know. What's the name?"

One other funny thing that people ask is "Whatcha got there?" A lot of times I say, "A box or an envelope." Lately I started telling people a million dollars. They don't know what to think of that so they quickly sign the sheet and go back to work or whatever they were doing.

It's been a fun ride so far with FedEx but I am ready to find something new. I wish the company had a training position in this area but they don't.